So what about life at 41?

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Lately I have been thinking about the fact that I will probably die never knowing what I wanted to be. I sometimes think I want to teach (really teach - not just recite). But "sometimes" and "think" hardly add up to being passionate about anything. How I envy those people who looked through a telescope and discovered the universe and their passion at the same time. Or the kid who realized that oil paint and a brush defined them.

When I say I want to teach, the next question, the obvious and reasonable question, is, "Oh? Really? Cool. What do you want to teach?"

I don't know. Math. English. Whatever. Some nights I want to go teach English to Korean students. But I think that might be about running away.

Mom wants me to go buy a car and I have turned it into an existential crisis. The last time I bought a car, I sat there crying in front of the car salesman. I'm sure he thought I was insane but I hated tying myself to a car payment. It meant I was STUCK at my job.

And hey, about that dying... Can we talk about sex? Just kidding. I mean, I'm NOT kidding. But I won't put it up on my blog for my family members.