New vehicle

Hyundai Tucson. Platinum Green. Which is really more like champagne with a hint of sage. And I managed to do it without crying all over the place. But I'll probably have nightmares tonight.

So what about life at 41?

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Lately I have been thinking about the fact that I will probably die never knowing what I wanted to be. I sometimes think I want to teach (really teach - not just recite). But "sometimes" and "think" hardly add up to being passionate about anything. How I envy those people who looked through a telescope and discovered the universe and their passion at the same time. Or the kid who realized that oil paint and a brush defined them.

When I say I want to teach, the next question, the obvious and reasonable question, is, "Oh? Really? Cool. What do you want to teach?"

I don't know. Math. English. Whatever. Some nights I want to go teach English to Korean students. But I think that might be about running away.

Mom wants me to go buy a car and I have turned it into an existential crisis. The last time I bought a car, I sat there crying in front of the car salesman. I'm sure he thought I was insane but I hated tying myself to a car payment. It meant I was STUCK at my job.

And hey, about that dying... Can we talk about sex? Just kidding. I mean, I'm NOT kidding. But I won't put it up on my blog for my family members.